


withering, (withered)

by maoukami



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Angst With A Bittersweet Ending, Character Death, I NEED MORE SHWOHEON IN MYL IFE, I saw this on ktwt while looking for showheon and it had to be done, I'm sorry @ showheon, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Minhyuk doesn't deserve this from Shownu :'c
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-25
Updated: 2019-03-25
Packaged: 2019-12-07 09:19:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 801
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18232937
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/maoukami/pseuds/maoukami
Summary: Jooheon was gone. Hyunwoo was all there was left.A flower without his sun.





	withering, (withered)

**Author's Note:**

> The flower that you gave me,  
> I watched it until the day it withered.  
> The withered flower you left me,  
> Until it blooms again.
> 
> (Loosely translated from Lee Yoonhak's 'First Love')

_1\. The flower that you gave me_

Hyunwoo stared out the window, only one face clear in his mind. His smile, his laughter, his voice. His fear, his scream, his final I-love-you.

Over and over, it haunted him again and again.

Hyunwoo no longer had any tears left to shed. He could only offer his love his fragmented heart. His mantra of apologies. His wishes to have taken the younger’s place.

“Hyunwoo.”

He didn’t answer, his mind still on replay.

His smile, his laughter, his voice.

 “Hyunwoo, please.”

His fear, his scream.

“What happened to Jooheon-“

His final I-love-you.

“-it wasn’t your fault.”

It was his fault.

“You got hurt too.”

But he wasn’t dead.

He wasn’t dead.

Jooheon was dead.

Jooheon was _dead_.

 _Jooheon was dead_.

Hyunwoo didn’t think he could cry.

But the tears fell naturally as he screamed.

He screamed, his throat ripping apart from the inside. His nails were digging into his temples, he could barely see Minhyuk beside him, shaken and afraid. He could only see Jooheon and blood and pain.

It was all his fault.

He shouldn’t have made such a big deal out of one stupid thing. Should’ve just done it in the city. Should’ve just done it in their shared apartment.

It was just a proposal. It should’ve sealed their happy ending.

It ended their story instead. A story that had never and would never begin.

 

(Special was Jooheon to Hyunwoo, but trying to do something special for him was what took him away.)

 

 

_2\. I watched it until the day it withered_

He’d been losing weight; there was no way he wouldn’t have noticed. From the cuts of his appetite to the phases of forgetfulness. From Jooheon’s passing to never forgetting.

How could he forget?

How could he, when a part of him had broken when Jooheon had left? When what was broken, what had gone along with Jooheon, couldn’t be replaced?

Hyunwoo had been losing weight.

But he didn’t think it would’ve pushed him to the ground.

Closer, closer.

Maybe it had been in the back of his mind all this time.

Collapsed.

Maybe he had wanted this all along.

Barely there.

Maybe this was okay.

Minhyuk’s shout.

Maybe this would be the end.

Unconscious.

 

(Maybe he could see Jooheon again.)

 

 

_3\. The withered flower you left me_

He laid there, silent, unmoving, barely blinking. Slow, heavy. Machines beeped about him, tubes digging into his being. Apart from the constant signal of his heartbeat, the room was silent. So silent. So alone.

He could feel his life slipping away, even as sensations left his body.

But nothing mattered. Not even when the door slid open, not even when Minhyuk’s familiar voice called his name.

Guilt panged in his chest – there was no one he was more apologetic to but Minhyuk.

His best friend.

His friend who stuck by him as he slowly let himself wither away. Minhyuk, who nursed him to health the first time he’d collapsed. Minhyuk, who wouldn’t give up on Hyunwoo.

But as sorry as he felt, it was time to let go.

Minhyuk had to let go.

Hyunwoo was ready.

A tear slipped from his closed eyes, rolled down his cheeks as the shrill shriek of a machine mourned his passing. As for Minhyuk, he wouldn’t know how the man would’ve acted.

Hyunwoo passed on with a bittersweet smile on his lips, yet an expression more peaceful than any since Jooheon had gone.

 

(He was going to see Jooheon again.)

 

_4\. Until it blooms again_

Hyunwoo let his eyes roam, over the countless flowers that spanned the field. Vivid light caressed the petals, beaming heavy but gently over each surface reached. A single willow stood in the center, offering its shade to the colourful flora.

Offering its shade to a single soul seated at its base, back against the trunk, facing the sky with his eyes shut. His hair was raven black, his lips the shape and colour of love.

He was as beautiful as Hyunwoo remembered.

Those fair lids flittered open, dark yet loving orbs meeting with Hyunwoo’s own. Nothing Hyunwoo could think of was enough to express the feelings he felt; he was soaring in the skies, he felt lighter than he’d ever felt in years.

His vision blurred as his eyes watered, globules of long due tears denoting happiness and relief. The everlasting pressure in his chest had lifted; he could finally breathe again.

He took a careful step forward, the toe of his boot scraping against the dirt, as if the man – the tree, the field – as if they would all fade away.

He took another step.

Then another.

The words tumbled from the tanned man’s upturned lips before he could think of anything else.

“I’ve missed you.”

 

( _I’ve missed you too, hyung_.)

**Author's Note:**

> i probably twisted the poem's meaning by miles, but yes. tbh, I couldn't really get it pmsl-  
> but!! anyway, i hope you enjoyed.  
> thank you for reading!


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